In 68 (Not So) Easy Steps

1. Wake up at the Metro YMCA Singapore refreshed, well-rested, and ready for a day of travel.
2. Dine (for the last time) at the YMCA cafeteria. (Are baked beans really a breakfast item in some countries?)
3. With the assistance of the helpful bell man (bellhop) load your 8 pieces of luggage, 35 carry-ons and double stroller onto a cart to be wheeled to the lobby. OK, maybe a few trips will be necessary. And perhaps a crowbar because the elevator doors are not as wide as your duffle.
4. Wait patiently in the lobby for the bus taking you to the Changi Airport.
5. When your friends arrive with a small van/bus try not to blush as their eyes widen when they catch sight of the pile of luggage these Americans are taking to Asia with them.
6. Remind yourself that you are not "on holiday" but that you are moving overseas. It’s justified to have this much luggage.
7. Load the van with a few feet of leg room to spare.
8. Arrive at the airport 30 minutes later.
9. Kindly accept your friends’ offer to grab three carts and assist you in getting your luggage checked in.
10. At the Singapore Airlines counter try not to make eye contact with the airline personnel assessing your luggage with looks of disdain.
11. Feign ignorance when the airline attendant asks you if you realize there is a 20 kilo weight limit for each piece of luggage. (I knew there was weight limit Miss, I just didn’t know how much over we would be.)
12. Look confused when she tells you the airline gives customers leeway up to 30 kilos, but that your luggage is still overweight!
13. Kindly accept the offer to pay the discounted excess luggage fee the attendant quotes you. (I am being very gracious sir. Very gracious.) It’s still cheaper than having to ship the stuff after all!
14. Discuss with the attendant what will happen to the luggage in Bangkok when you will be switching to Thai Airways.
    –It’s no problem, sir. You just take your luggage tag to the In Transit desk and they will have your luggage pulled and sent to Thai Air. You will get your boarding passes from the In Transit desk as well.
    –Suh-WEET!
15. Board plane in Singapore thankful to have all your luggage on board and ready for an easy two-hour flight to Bangkok.
16. Fly in style on Singapore Airlines.
17. Try not to cry when removing 57 stickers from you arm placed there with care by your grinning toddler.
18. Disembark the plane in Bangkok and head to the “In Transit” desk mentioned in Step 14
    (Saunter. You have a 3 hour layover after all.)
19. Show the Thai Airline Reps at the In Transit Desk your Singapore Airlines luggage claim tags and ask them politely for your boarding passes to Chiang Mai.
20. Try not to read too much into the bewildered look on their faces as one holds your luggage receipt as they might a wounded lizard and the other deliberates speedily in Thai. (These nonverbal & verbal signs are just cultural differences you assure yourself; no need to panic.)
21. Whine and plead when the In Transit Reps tell you that you must go through Immigration, claim your luggage, and check in through the Domestic terminal.
    –But the lady from Singapore Airlines told us that you could issue our boarding passes and transfer our luggage for us!
    –I’m sorry sir, you must go through immigration…
22. Contemplate bribing them.
23. Resign yourself to your destiny.
24. Empathize with cattle as you stand in a long line waiting to be prodded through Immigration.
25. Leave your wife and kids standing in line while you go for a second opinion. (There must be another In Transit Desk around here!)
26. Give up after a few fruitless attempts and return to the cattle prodding area.
27. Stare in dumbfounded amazement when your wife has the following epiphany: “I left my pillow on the plane!” (Not just any pillow; the unofficial fifth member of your family.)
28. Notice how fast the line suddenly moves once your wife darts away from the Immigration staging area and back towards the arrival gates on her desperate rescue mission.
29. Contemplate scenarios that may happen if your wife does not return before you reach the Immigration desk. (Sir, please go ahead of us. We’re not really in any rush.)
30. Panic.
31. Count to ten and pray.
32. Hover back towards panic.
33. Tell your nap-deprived daughters to sit down in their double stroller. They’ve only been locked into it for 20 minutes.
34. Act like an ignorant tourist (i.e. immobile) when an immigration official waves you over to a family-friendly (i.e. shorter) line for processing.
35. Start to panic again.
36. Look behind you for the 500th time to see if your wife will sprint back to the line waving her pillow triumphantly.
37. Come up with a delay strategy as an immigration official ushers you and your stroller into a different (i.e. empty) line.
38. Sing Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus as your wife sprints back, pillow in tow, just in the nick of time.
39. Pinch yourself.
40. Hand your passports and immigration documents to the official “stamper” at the desk.
41. Pick up your luggage from the conveyor belt in the baggage area and stack it precariously on two metal carts.
42. Try to determine which suitcase (or child) could be sacrificed for the greater good of the trip.
43. Make a mental note that you’re still a Christian and married and therefore must scratch step 42.
44. Assign Heavy Cart A to the Mrs.
45. Push Heavy Cart B forward while simultaneously pulling toddler-laden stroller from behind. (It’s much more difficult than it sounds.)
46. Stop pushing to determine where you’re actually supposed to go.
47. Commence pushing / pulling to the nearest elevator. Domestic flights are on Floor 2.
48. At Floor 2 peek out of the elevator with skepticism and veto that option.
49. Proceed to Floor 3.
50. On Floor 3 stop pushing/pulling the cart/toddlers while the Mrs. conducts further research as to your location.
51. Reply to a kind Thai citizen who asks about your destination.
    –Chiang Mai
    –(furrowed brow)
    –Are we in the wrong place?
    –Yes, you want Floor 2, Domestic flights. This is international.
    –Thank you very much
52. Wave down your wife, retrace your steps, re-pull, re-push back to the elevator. Go to Floor 2.
53. Rethink the push-pull strategy when faced with a vertical slope on Floor 2.
    Stop and consider the book of Ecclesiastes (Vanity of vanities, all is chasing after the wind…)
54. Remember God still loves you when a kind woman offers to push the toddler stroller the ~5 miles to the domestic terminal.
55. Push Heavy Cart B in aircon bliss!
56. Thank this angelic woman upon arrival at the Domestic Terminal (1.5 hours into the layover.)
57. Unload your luggage to be sent through an X-ray machine.
58. Reload your luggage onto the carts and wheel it to the Thai Airlines check-in counter.
    (Tired yet?)
59. Watch the Thai Airline rep do his thing.
60. Wait for the spiel.
    –Sir, do you realize your luggage is overweight.
    –Yada, yada, yada.
61. Nod politely and take out your Visa card.
62. Go to another desk and pay for the excess luggage to the tune of 330 baht (a whopping $8.00 US!)
63. Wheel your now cranky toddlers, self, and carryon luggage to terminal F65 (i.e. whatever the farthest number from check-in could possibly be).
64. Wait 20 minutes then board your plane.
65. Remind yourself that this whole journey was a voluntary one and that you were not conscripted.
66. Fly for one hour to Chiang Mai.
67. Pick up your luggage at the airport and repeat cycle monthly.
68. Buy yourself a Starbucks Latte. You’ve earned it.