Mafan –  麻烦  Definition: bother, troublesome, nuisance.

I don’t like mafan, but I like the word mafan (pronounced something like ma-fawn.)  It’s a Chinese word that I can sink my frustrated teeth into.  Coming from an obsessive-compulsive culture of convenience like America, I find mafan waiting for me around nearly every corner. He’s becoming a close (notice I didn’t say good) friend.

So what does my new friend, Mafan, look like?

Some days Mafan looks like my landlord who lives in another city and tells me (through translation) that he can’t be bothered to make me another set of keys to my apartment or have my phone hooked up.

On other days Mafan dresses himself up in camouflage gear and pounds on my door at 9 o’clock at night.  He wants to be let in.  I don’t even crack the door because I know that if I do Mafan will barge through, carrying either a sledgehammer, drill, or hammer.  He will pound, dig, gouge, and bang for hours at a time.  He will smoke profusely unless I ask him not to.  He will leave a wide path of destruction in his wake–shrapnel, ash, plaster, mud, and brick.  Mafan hates the English language (or at best treats it with stoic disregard.)  Mafan always comes back the next day…early.

Mafan is an imp.  A gremlin.  He’s a Puck.  He steals my water some days…in the night, before I’ve showered.  He busts pipes and breaks lights.  He’s a mole that burrows into department stores and steals the entire stock of that certain item I need most.  He tweaks my Juke DVD player and (when peeved) totally disables my TV.

Mafan can transform to any shape.  He’s a drip that leaks into my bathroom and heads straight into my electic outlet.  He’s the dust that never can be wiped up completely.  He’s a sealant that mars the surface of my tile without putting a stop to the watery leaks.  He’s a recurring head cold with nasal drip.  Mafan is a mispronounced tone.  He’s a menace.

Mafan thrives on his life of stealth and sudden revelation.  He gets into people’s heads…

The bank teller who can’t process my check, the foreign affairs officer who asks me to pay tuition I’ve already paid, the taxi driver who really doesn’t believe I can’t speak in his tongue.  The shampoo salesman at my door.  All are minions of Mafan.

And the worst part of it is…this nemesis, Mafan, gets into my skin, too.  He works on my attitude, my thoughts, my emotions.  If I’m not careful, I get swept up in the charisma of Mafan.  I become the annoyance, the disturbance, the nuisance, and the troublesome Yeti of Mafan.

I could say more about my Chinese tour guide, Mafan, but he already does his own P.R.

In the future when Mafan shows up, I’m going to try something new.  Instead of reasoning with him, trying to speak his language, bearing with his idiosyncracies, patiently accepting all he has to offer, I’m going to do something really radical…

I’m going to RUN!