One evening last week I ventured out to get some takeout (dai zou) for Christa and I.  I wanted to try some Muslim cuisine that I’ve heard so much about.  So I went to one of the numerous sidewalk "stalls" where men with flat white hats sit and barbecue mutton kebabs over little fires.

With the help of a friend I had prepared a few Chinese statements that I would use to order my food.  I wanted two "burgers" with a limited amount of spices and about 6 sticks of mutton per "binzi" (flat bread).

The ordering went well.  The cook seemed to understand what I wanted and even laughed when I told him I didn’t want it to be too spicy.  I sat down on a stone wall beside the cook and tried to stay warm as he roasted my mutton sticks over the fire.

As I waited for my food, I noticed a black "sedan" type vehicle pull up on the street in front of the stall.  I didn’t think much of it since I see cars pull to the side of the road all the time.  Sometimes people will be eating food, smoking a cigarette, or listening to the radio inside their car.  A few minutes later the car pulled up nearly in front of where I was sitting and a Chinese fellow hopped out of the passenger side.

The guy came right up to me and started talking to me in very quick, I’m assuming very non-standard, Chinese.

I couldn’t understand a word.  I was trying, but nothing rang a bell.

I kept replying to him in Chinese, "I’m sorry, I don’t understand.  I don’t understand, and I don’t understand."

This poor gentleman kept talking to me and finally started beckoning me over to the car.  I was shocked.  It seemed like he wanted me to get into the car and go somewhere with him.

I kindly tried to tell him I was ordering food that I needed to take home to my family.  I didn’t seem to be getting through to him at all.  He kept talking and waving me over to the car.

As you know I’ve been watching a lot of Alias lately.  It’s at this point, after the black car with tinted windows pulls up, that the victim is usually forcefully picked up and thrown into the car–kicking and screaming.  I wondered if I was about to be kidnapped in the same fashion…right in front of everyone.

As I was contemplating the conspiracy possibilities, the man talking to me went to the driver side and talked with the driver.  The driver then gets out and comes over to where I’m sitting.

He, too, speaking in non-standard Chinese (for sure!) asks and motions for me to come over to the car.  I size up the guy and decide that I can probably "take him" if he tries to force me into the vehicle.  I also decide I am probably being a bit too paranoid.

I rise and follow the driver to the driver’s side of the vehicle.  He immediately points to something inside the vehicle.

The console.

I realize that he’s trying to show me something.

As I investigate further I realize what’s going on.  The car is a Buick.  Evidently, all the writing on the console (i.e. warning lights, fuel gauge, etc.) is written in English and this gentlemen can’t read English.  Something’s wrong with the car and the language barrier is preventing this Chinese bloke from figuring it out.

Now, as you know I’m mechanically challenged, especially in the realm of vehicles.  The only reason I know the names of any car parts is because I’ve had cars where these parts have failed me.  So I was a bit nervous to try and give some prognosis for this Buick’s ailments.

But I can read.  So  I had that advantage.

The first "warning light" I translated was "door" and the second was "trunk".  This was not very helpful since these lights were triggered by the fact that the car was turned on and he had the doors open.

Luckily for me I had my Chinese – English dictionary on hand and was able to look up some other words that were more helpful…

Specifically, the word for "oil" and the word for "change" and the word for "immediately".  Before all was said and done, we had drawn quite a crowd.  I think at the very least, the Buick needed an oil change or service done soon.  We didn’t look under the hood (I’m so thankful!) but at least now this Chinese owner of an American car knows what a few of his warning lights say.
After the experience I thought about how a few months ago I couldn’t read any of the instructions on my TV / DVD player since they are in Chinese characters…and here’s this guy who buys an American car and can’t read the gauges.  That just goes to show you how crazy globalization can be when you really think about it.

In the end, I wasn’t kidnapped; I was thanked.  I went home feeling glad to have been able to have helped out in a small way.  I celebrated this good work by eating a delicious mutton burger (kao yang rou) that wasn’t too spicy for my taste.