Prepare to be amazed!

You’d better sit down before reading this post.  I didn’t know when I woke up this morning, but it turns out that today was destined to be very momentous.  Earth-shattering, in fact…

With my two hands, carefully applied wind to my vocal cords, and some strategic flaps of my tongue I created bottled water! (Well, a little credit should go to Alexander Graham Bell and China Telecom, but they’ve gotten enough back-patting over the years I think.)

Here on this desert island city known to some as Xining life is all about survival.  Today I took one Darwinian leap forward.  What did I accomplish exactly?  I (mere human mortal that I am) called our bottled water company on the phone and (get ready for it…) spoke Chinese, and (…if you have a heart condition, please step away from the computer now) ordered 2 bottles of purified water (you say the astounding news doesn’t end there?! Mercy, Lord!) to be delivered to our apartment!!!

This is no task for the timid or feint of heart.  It was a matter of life or thirst.  The water was running low and our house helper wasn’t scheduled to appear for another two DAYS!  Who would call?   Where would the coffee come from without water?  Who could possibly rescue us from this dire and parching predicament?

Aye, twas me…and only moments ago two men showed up at my door carrying two large glorious bottles of purified water.

I will not submit you to more than you can bear in one post, but I will say this call involved giving addresses, remembering numbers, requesting quantities, and comprehending questions…in a language not my own.

There’s no end to the possibilities now…but before I move on to other delusions of grandeur, I think I’ll spend a few hours strutting around the house in my loin cloth–beating my chest and howling with delight.

I HAVE CREATED WATER!!!