I recently learned the Chinese word for decision. It’s "jue-ding" (second tone, fourth tone, if that helps you at all! Ha-ha…) The Chinese character looks like this:

决定

I can guess (and I’m way out of my league here) that these two characters (taken individually) mean (or connotate) thought and certainty.  Or "thinking with certainty"…deciding something.

I’ve been thinking about decisions a lot lately. Giving that speech over the weekend was the catalyst for my recent reflection on the power of making decisions. Decisions are huge, you know?

Think about all the decisions that we have in life. Decisions for good, decisions for evil, decisions made from passion; decisions (indirectly made) out of apathy. Unimportant decisions, monumental decisions, pressured decisions, and arbitrary ones, they all take their own form and lead to their own consequences. All decisions help to form us and navigate our experience in often unexpected ways.

It was Adam and Eve’s simple decision that turned the world on its head in the Genesis account. God made pre-emptive decisions (before the foundation of the world) about the fate of his Son (self) knowing these tragic garden events would take place. (I’m speculating about foreknowledge…) We live with and within our own decisions. We try to procrastinate making decisions that are painful; we revel in wise decisions that reap good benefits; and we often make many decisions without thought.

Decisions are a mystery.   Our decisions are the legacy we leave behind, the ink we use to tell our story with.

I am not insinuating that decisions are not influenced by many things. Obviously decisions are not made in a vacuum. But I do think our decisions (individually and as part of larger communities and society) hold amazing potential and must be handled with care.

It’s easy for me to think this way. I’m in China! I wasn’t born here. Ten years ago I couldn’t imagine that I would venture here…with a family! There’s no way I could have seen through a crystal ball and found myself sitting at a laptop in a city called Xi…what?! typing out a blog (huh?) post. Think of all the decisions that lead to this one…to this sentence; this phrase, even this word. (Yeah bolding is good for that word.  Gotta emphasize it.)

My mom alluded to this same mystery (specifically God’s plans for me) in a recent post. She was thinking along the same lines. You never know what kind of adventure you are on. I have no idea what kind of lives are ahead of Sarah and Anna. Christa and I joke around that because they have lived so "globally" and are being raised in a different country, they will probably want to just settle down in some quaint American small town, have a 9 to 5 job, and live in one place their whole lives. But what do we know? We couldn’t possibly predict what types of lives they will have or what their "decisions" will be. We will be able to help them learn how to make decisions, but each person eventually has to come to grips with what criteria they will use for making decisions. Hopefully, our girls will learn to put decisions through the filter of a relationship with God and His revelation. That’s the goal anyway.

One of the main problems I have with decisions is that to make a decision you are choosing to eliminate an infinite number of options. They are so concrete and exclusive in so many ways. By choosing to come to China to live and pursue a dream, I am choosing not to stay in my own culture with people I love. I am choosing not to grow old in the company of good friends in the same way as I would if I were staying in America. By being a soul artist/tour guide, I am choosing not to be an investigative journalist, a sous chef, and a body builder. Or, on a less grander scale if I decide to read a book today I am also indirectly making the decision not to talk to a friend or write a book today.

You may think this sounds a bit extreme. Can’t you make multiple decisions without them being so black and white? Sure, you can. My problem is that I am a pretty one-track type person. (Fortunately, my wife is not one-tracked…) I like to focus on one thing at a time. So, I could read a chapter of a book, talk to a friend for an hour, and write a chapter of book in a day, but this feels fragmented to me (even though I am forced to live this way to a degree). I usually feel as if I am not doing something well when I am not able to devote much concentrated time to it. It’s the nature of life, I know, but it makes decisions a bit difficult. It is especially difficult for me to make an initial commitment to things…although I consider myself a very committed person.

I just finished Jon Krakauer’s book Into the Wild about the idealistic young man, Chris McCandless. You may have heard his story. He ventured into the Alaskan wild in hopes of an adventurous odyssey. He wanted to live "off the land" and without the conveniences of a modern society. He wound up dying of starvation (due to some lack of planning and a pretty innocent mishap.) This was a very intriguing book and although I can criticize McCandless for his selfishness (he didn’t even notify his family where he was for over a year!) I can admire his ideals and commitment to a decision. It may have been an ill-advised decision (or series of decisions), but at least he was trying to truly "live" as he defined it. Too often I think we are afraid to decide something we know we should have decided long ago and/or we are afraid to carry it out. We decide not to decide–we fool ourselves. I question some of my decisions in life quite a bit, but ultimately I am proud of many of the decisions I have made for the Lord and His kingdom. I just hope (to the best I am able) I can keep committed to making decisions in the light of Him…and following them through.