While chatting with a friend on Skype not too long ago, I was struck by one of his statements.  He told me, "It seems like you guys are having a lot of fun…"

Sure.  It sounds innocent enough.  I’m sure my friend intended absolutely no harm by suggesting it.  He’s been reading the blog and following our journey.  He’s witnessed the silliness, he’s read the funny stories and seen pictures of the girls’ various parties and events.  But I guess his statement struck me because it made me question its validity.

Is this fun?

Is this a word I would use to describe our life right now?

Would I call what we’re doing here in this foreign land "fun" in the classic sense of the word?

I have to say honestly, I don’t know?  If I had to use one word to sum up our life here in China (so far) I guess I would probably use the word manic-depressive. 

I don’t mean that we are psychotic (although some days that’s up for debate) but I think as a family and as individuals it seems like we go through cycles where one day we are excited, enthusiastic, and fun-loving regarding our new lives here, and the next day we are depressed, deflated, and ready to pack our bags.  I have found that I can go from extremely happy to incredibly depressed in the span of a few hours.  It’s a strange sensation going through such wild and unpredictable mood swings.   It also is strange being in a marriage and family atmosphere where any combination of family units may be riding this roller coaster at any given time.

This past week was not one of my better weeks in the "fun factor" category.  I can’t exactly pinpoint why.  Perhaps, it was because the girls were sick.  Perhaps, it was because I didn’t have language study as a distraction.  Perhaps, it was just that time of the month for me.  Whatever it was I just found myself asking the question, "Is this any fun?"

It’s unfortunate to be in such a state of mind.  It’s also somewhat funny to reflect on what types of things irk me when I’m going through the "depressive" phase.  For me this week I got really irritated with people shouting "heeellooooo" to me on the street.  This happens all the time here.  I guess people see a foreign face and they just can’t help themselves.  They must use the one English word they know. 

Usually, it’s the kids who do this and that doesn’t bother me so much.  But when adults do it–almost as almost a knee-jerk reaction–it can get old.  What bugs me about it is that it doesn’t seem to me that the speaker even cares if I respond.  They see my white face and large nose and they just shout it out.  Many times they do it after I’ve already passed them.  I’m always left with the dilemma of: Do I say ‘hello’ back?  If I do, I feel a bit foolish because that’s about as far as it goes.  Usually, they laugh at me when I respond and I feel like a parrot.  But if I don’t respond then I feel like a jerk because I’m snubbing their attempt at a greeting.  It’s a catch-22.

Let me remind you that this is not always such an issue for me.  On the good days, I take it in stride.  I respond or smile or (if I’m really clever) say "ni hao" back to them.  They laugh.  I feel happy for brightening their day (even if I am a just a polly-want-a-cracker-spewing foreigner).  All is right with the world.

But when I’m in a funk, this "hellllooooo" business really gets under my skin.  It makes me want to hide in my apartment all day long because that’s the only place where I have any control over anything.

It was refreshing taling with a fellow worker here at our apartment tonight.  He’s been here three years and is a little further down this road than we are.  He shared how he felt the same way we are feeling during his first year.  He found himself sitting at home often, reading books, surfing the net, finding home projects to do that did not involve imitating a parrot on the city streets where he lived.  While studying language (in that first phase of life here) he only felt comfortable at home because there was no real tension there. 

When you are stranger in a foreign country and you head out your front door there is always a bit of tension that builds inside you.  You will likely have to speak to someone in a different language and that can be a scary and intimidating thing.  You just have no idea what types of situations will be facing you.  My friend also shared that it is important during this time period to hold on strongly to your calling (or reason for being here.)  If you’ve come here of your own motivation (and not from a sense of higher purpose) your desire to stay will quickly fade. 

I guess I share all this only in an effort to be real and to paint a fuller picture of our lives.  Having "fun" isn’t our main motivation for being here NOR is it our motivation for living for that matter.  We are living for a higher purpose.  We are clinging to a call right now…and hoping to ride out the tidal waves we hear rushing behind us…like soul surfers.

It’s good to know we’re not alone.  It’s also good to know why we’re here and to recognize that it is OK if it’s not always FUN.  Hard times are part of the journey.  But sometimes we DO have fun along the way.  Things do get better.  We’ve found this to be true.