You’ve heard of the three r’s, right? 

reading, 

‘riting,

and ‘rithmatic. 

I’ve spent most of my life focused on the first two of the three.  The third "r" I use when necessary, but I can’t say that I love it like I do the other two. I think I am foremost a reader, but maybe because I grew up as an avid reader I have also aspired to be a writer. 

One of my goals this month was to write something.  I, purposefully, left my calendar open because I wanted to devote a good amount of time to writing.  At first I was saying I wanted to write a novel, but now I’ve back-pedaled a little.  I think I’ve wanted to make my goals more attainable. Maybe now it’s just a novella I’m writing or more likely a collection of essays.

Whatever this writing process produces, I must say it feels good to be writing every day.  To daily present myself to the laptop in order to "create" something from nothing has always been a very difficult discipline for me to maintain.  There are always emails to check, blogs to read/post, "work" to be done, DVDs to watch, and a whole arsenal of excuses that prevent me from actually putting ideas into Word docs.

The worst hindrance to writing is the nasty old editor-Nazi that sits inside my own head.  He smokes big cigars, rifles through my papers with fat fingers, scoffs at my sentences, and tells me minute-by-minute that this story has already been told…by more competent tellers.  Herr Critic’s voice is high-pitched and annoying.  Sometimes his whine is debilitating.  I often turn away from the page because I can’t be bothered to deal with his tactics of discouragement. You can’t escape from your own mind too easily I’ve found.

The last few weeks though (ha-ha-ha) I’ve been craftily dealing with Herr Critic and his pesky running commentary.  I’ve been writing for pleasure, telling a story that is close to my heart, enjoying myself in the creative process, and most importantly pacing myself.  I’ve been going really slow.  Each day a page or two gets written.  I don’t think what I’m writing is Hemingway, Steinbeck, Tolkien, or Lewis.  The masters are in a league of their own.  But maybe what is coming out is Todd through and through.  I can be happy with that; if I am being true to myself and my own experience.

T.S. Eliot once said, "Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."

I think if I can come at writing with the same awareness, and stop pretending that every time I put my fingers on the keys there is a Pulitzer Prize at stake, I might actually enjoy it more and as a result actually see stories come into being.  The writers that I admire most were also failed writers, but the good ones, the really great failed writers seemed to find amazing success as they persevered to tell the stories that delighted them. 

You can always tell when a truly gifted writer has found such delight in his/her story.  Did you know that Tolkien wrote LOTR over a 13 year span in the evenings (probably after the kids were in bed and he had graded his university student’s papers!)  He sent installments to his son who was fighting in WWII.  That shows true love for the story…and determined perseverance. It took 13 years (even longer when you take into account all the linguistic and background history he wrote for Middle Earth) for him to tell his tale! 

Tolkien must have found a good way to lock Herr Critic in a broom closet somewhere. Maybe I will find a way, too.

All this to say that I have actually been writing this month.  If I’ve seemed like a recluse this is a large part of it.  Something is rattling around in the cobwebs up top…and I’m trying to run with it.

And a big thanks to those of you who have been encouraging me this month (and even before now).  You have encouraged me with your compliments and by reading what I’m writing here. It has made a big difference and helped me put a better stranglehold on the rascal, Herr Critic.  You know who you are…and I hope you know that you are appreciated.  Thanks for reading and cheering me on from the grandstands…

I’m off to write!
Yeti

p.s. I realize that’s Lewis’ picture above, but I liked it better than the one’s I could find online of Tolkien.