You know that old saying, "When in Rome…"  You don’t even need to finish the proverb (i.e. …do as the Romans do [paraphrased]) to know what it means.  "When in Rome" means adapting to the cultural norms in the environment that you are in.  Living cross-culturally here in Xining, our family has attempted to do this (to the degree that we are able) because it makes a lot of sense.  H.T. would be proud.*

We use chopsticks when eating most meals (soup and breakfast cereal being the few exceptions.)  We take our shoes off at the door (regardless of the status of our socks).  We even let our daughters use the bathroom–at select outside locations–in a pinch. (This gets a little tricky when we go back to America.)

Whether it’s changing our expectations (e.g. expecting to be told repairs or deliveries will happen "tomorrow" quite a lot) or changing our behavior (e.g. not being afraid to push to the front of a line if necessary) the Johnson family has tried to mimic the Chinese ways in order to better relate to the people around us.

But the question is: where do you draw the adapting-to-culture line? 

The other day I had Anna on my lap in the front seat of a taxicab. All of a sudden I heard her making this noise in the back of her throat.  If you’ve ever heard a cat trying to get rid of a fur-ball then you will have some idea what this noise sounded like.  After a few machine-gun rounds of throat clearing Anna leaned close to the opened window and coughed. 

I asked her if she was OK.  Yes, she replied.  I asked her what she was doing (like I didn’t know).  She said, "I’ve got something in my throat.  I’m trying to do like the Chinese people do…"

Translation: She was trying to learn how to SPIT!

Now I must tell you, everyone in Xining spits.  I can’t speak for the whole country of China; it’s just too large for generalizations, but in our city spitting is pretty universal.  The old, the young, mid-lifers and teens, all demographic groups can be found (on any given day) releasing their saliva to the wind.

They are like lamas.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that familiar sound to my right or my left.  As I’m walking the city streets or bounding to-and-from campus, the guttural sound of phlegm being torpedoed from the mouth assails me.

I know it’s GROSS!   You don’t have to tell me.  (I always cringe when I see or hear it.)  I agree with you 100%; it’s not proper dinner conversation, but it is the reality of my existence here in Rome.  I can’t apologize for telling the truth.  (I do apologize for highlighting such unsavory behavior when there are so many good local habits I could applaud here in Xining.  Where’s the fun in that though?)

What is not clear to me is how this spitting behavior is viewed by the locals.  My Chinese language teacher assures me that spitting is considered quite uncouth even here in (backwoods) Xining, but it happens OFTEN nonetheless.  Perhaps spitting is inevitable because it is so dry and dusty here.  Perhaps the combination of altitude, diesel burning trucks, and the prominence of people eating sunflower seeds, adds to the problem.  And as bad as the spitting phenomenon may be to my Western sense of good taste, the nose picking is infinitely worse (but that’s another post entirely.)  But it is a bit disconcerting to see an 80-year-old lady as wrinkled as a raisin rear back and hock a looger at the nearest spittoon-shaped tree.

So the question remains for me: to spit or not to spit?

As Anna seeks to blend in with her Chinese friends and neighbors when do I reel her in and when do I give her some slack?  Where is the proper balance between pink-dressed princess and mutton-chewing yak herder?

I guess when it comes down to it some local customs we can quietly abstain from taking part in.  After all, I’m not going to take up smoking just to make friends and influence people here!  It also appears the city of Shanghai tends to agree with me that some Chinese customs need to change.  Check out this sign…


And if you happen to run into the Johnson family in person in a few years you’ll have to read our warning signs carefully. 

Watch out, we spit!

*H.T. is a guy who really took to heart the "when in Rome" proverb in Chinese history–for very good purposes.  I could tell you who he was, but then I’d have to kill you.  (Just kidding…)  Email me sometime if you can’t figure it out for yourself…(think 19th century British dude)