"They wander on earth and live in heaven, and although they are weak, they protect the world; they taste of peace in the midst of turmoil; they are poor, and yet they have all they want.  They stand in suffering and remain in joy, they appear dead to all outward sense of life and lead a life of faith within."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (aka The Hof)
The Cost of Discipleship

Roaming the muddy streets of Xining yesterday I was thinking about the new monastic idea of relocating to the "forgotten/abandoned places of the Empire."  The thing about something being forgotten or abandoned is that by definition that means that at one point the place in question was "known or inhabited" in the first place.  It was part of the Empire.

Xining doesn’t seem like a place that was ever discovered or put on any map.  It is a place that feels as if it never really entered history to begin with.  You can’t forget a place that never was.

I’m speaking a bit figuratively of course.  Obviously, Xining is a real place on a map with a very long history.  At the same time, Xining to me often feels like a different planet in a different galaxy in a different universe…far, far away.  (Tatooine comes to mind, but that’s a different post altogether.)

I often find myself struggling with the dissonance of living in a place that doesn’t feel entirely real.  I feel like a literal alien sometimes (heart-shaped head, disproportionately large black pupils, gray skin, Reeses Pieces tucked in my elongated palms) wandering to and fro in my shiney spacesuit as the inhabitants of this planet Xining move about me with their telling looks of awe or disgust.

It’s just weird.

You’d think I would be used to it after a year.  After all I have learned some of the alien dialect.  Some of the social customs have become my own.  I even know, recognize, and can greet some of the citizens on the street.

But somehow that’s not quite enough.  I still find myself battling my own emotions–trying to cope with those unreasonable longings to "phone home" or in many cases to just "go home…" 

But even these home-sick motivations and inklings don’t feel right to me either.

I think that’s why The Hof’s quote above was so meaningful to me.  The dissonance I feel is partially related to being a citizen of heaven.  I am "wandering the earth," but "living in heaven." I feel very weak, but am "protecting the world."  (This idea is a very interesting take on what it means to be salt and light, isn’t it?)  I am in the midst of turmoil (both inward and often outward) and yet I have the taste of peace in my mouth.  I am poor and rich at the same time.  And remaining in joy I stand in suffering.

This last one is the hard one I am finding.  I think I am learning about what it means to "take part in the sufferings of Christ."  There is a certain form of pride that causes us to want to spurn the idea that we ever suffer as followers of Christ.  Most of us aren’t tortured, persecuted (in a physical sense), or afflicted for our beliefs (especially those of us from western nations.) 

So we often downplay (or outright deny) the fact that we suffer.  After all, look at what Christ and the martyrs went through.  How can we claim such weighty things for ourselves?  But the reality is that we each suffer if we follow Christ with our lives.  If we "leave all" and kill the old self off (like we’re supposed to) I think we do face suffering of various kinds.  We need to have the humility at times to see and admit this.  Not so we can pat ourselves on the back or develop another form of spiritual pride, but so that we can rejoice that Christ deems us worthy (amazing!) of such things AND so that we can realize AGAIN what he has done for us.  It’s all for Him and to be credited to Him…even our momentary trials are His.

So I guess, in a real honest way, this is where I’m at right now.  I’m trying to find ways to joyfully stand in suffering.  Thankfully, it’s not ALL suffering.  He knows our limits.  There are many joys in life right now–joys inexpressible.  But, thankfully, some of what I’m experiencing here on planet Xining is suffering and it is the kind that is growing my character (and hopefully the character of those I come in contact with.)

And if I need to be a little like E.T. to take part in the sufferings of Christ right now, well I think that’s a very small price to pay.  Small, indeed…miniscule.