In my opinion if your vacation doesn’t involve some quality time with a good book you haven’t actually HAD a vacation.  So as I ponder warm beaches, lapping waves, and coastal blue skies, I make paperback plans.  When you are reclining on a beach 5 hours south of Bangkok, you need to have quality, chill-out literature on hand.  You can’t swing by Borders to browse for just the right thing; you must plan ahead!  For me, and I’m a picky sort of person when it comes to deciding what I want to read, a beach in Thailand requires a certain type of book.  There are parameters–genres, expectations.  For this yeti, a book must meet certain strictly enforced requirements.  But instead of talking about what types of books "make the cut" for me, I’ll give you a list of books that are definitely out.  Here’s a sampling of books that would NOT be appropriate for my Thailand beach vacation.  I have read and enjoyed most of these.  It’s all about context though (i.e. setting, mood, emotional state, etc.)

9 Books I Won’t Read While Vacationing On A Beach In Thailand

1. The Beach – Alex Garland.  Set on the "perfect beach" in Thailand, you’d think it would make for a perfect read under such similar circumstances.  You’d be wrong to think this way–things turn south pretty quickly.  Think Lord of the Flies on acid.  It’s an interesting novel, but definitely not a feel-good, let’s swim with the dolphins, type read.
2. Jaws – Peter Benchley.  Well, there’s this really big shark, and…do I need to say more?
3. The Stranger – Albert Camus.  Do nihilists go to the beach?  If they do, this is the book they tote along with them…oh yeah, and their handgun.  I think Albert just needs a big hug.  Where’s the love, Al?
4. 1984 – George Orwell.  Big Brother and beach towels…don’t think so.  Plus, it would be better to just forget about rats gnawing our faces for a while…
5. Into the Wild – Jon Krakauer.  I loved this book; don’t get me wrong.  I found it a very gripping, if slightly disturbing, read.  But there’s something about a guy disappearing into the Alaskan wilderness that clashes with the whole beach aesthetic for me.  Maybe it’s the lack of seagulls?
6. Mao: The Unknown Story – Jung Chang/Jon Halliday.  Yeah, in paperback this is an 800+ page cinder block.  It’s currently warping the shape of my book shelf; not very travel-friendly.  But that’s not the point.  The point is that my vacation reading goals are NOT 1.) achieve greater sense of angst over the human condition, or 2.) sink into a mire of depression.  Believe what you want about Mao, but this is not a cheerful book.  Heavy.
7. Shindler’s List – Thomas Keneally.  No matter how redemptive the tale told, the basic rule of thumb is:  The Holocaust and your holiday should never mix.  See the reading goals mentioned above in #6.
8. One Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.  Once again, I must say that generally speaking I love the Russian writers.  Solzhenitsyn is no exception.  But I just can’t handle those frozen winters in Siberia, laboring 16 hour-days with frost-bitten fingers for a heel of bread and a cupful of broth.  Nyet!  It seems disrespectful to vicariously experience these harsh conditions while still wearing my bathing suit.  I’ll save the Russians for the colder climate of Qinghai.
9. Deliverance – James Dickey.  A guy vacation gone very wrong in hillbilly country of the American deep South.  Who am I kidding?  I’ll never read this book.  Thailand beach or not; it’s just too disturbing to even consider.  I could only watch a few scenes of the movie…through my clasped fingers.

Feel free to suggest other books that you think one should NOT read while on vacation.  Or you can comment on some GREAT vacation type books that you’ve read.  I’m all ears…  That doesn’t mean I’ll read them though.  I’m a bit of a book snob.  Just ask my wife.