I've been reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero.  In the first few chapters of this book he challenges the reader to know oneself so that you may know God.  This is much more difficult than it sounds.  Our whole culture (American, Western) is built on creating an acceptable "image" and living from that self-proscribed identity.  Even within the confines of Christian culture we often find ways to shield ourselves from taking a hard look at what really drives and motivates us–what really swims around in those deep places within us.  This may all sound a bit too Freudian to some, but I am finding Scazzero's explanations resonate with my own life experiences and the experience of others I've had relationship with.

There is this lost connection between our emotional / spiritual state and the redeemed state that Christ longs to see us enter into.  Scazzero argues that without finding emotional maturity, we cannot hope to find spiritual maturity.  Part of the problem is that we believe we already ARE mature emotionally, when maybe we aren't.  The fruit just doesn't add up.

This reality was the Great Wall of China for me.  I ran headlong into it because I didn't see it coming and spent most of my three years there reeling from the impact.  My false self was hidden very well, buried under culture and accomplishments, masked security systems derived from job, occupation, ministry, relationships, and status.  When it all got stripped away, what was left of me? 

I just kept shouting on the internal intercom:  Would the true Todd Johnson please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

And when the "real me" did stand up I was a bit shocked to discover who I was. 

I don't say all this because I enjoy airing my spiritual/psychological laundry in front of the world.  It's a bit like being naked and roaming the halls of your high school.  I say all this because I don't think I am alone and I think this is important.  We are all pretty good at living from our false self.  But we must learn to throw that off and find our authentic self–and live there.  To me, that's a huge part of the meaning of life.  Loving God and others because we know how to love (and BE) ourselves.  The real selves.

Here's a short exerpt from the book that struck me about living from one's true self:

I want revolution.  I want to look back and say, "I lived OUT the Todd God intended.  And pretty well, too."

How about you?  (Not Todd, not Zusya, not Moses.  Are you being [your name goes here]?  Really?)