Life is a made up of a long chain of events. Like a thousand miles of Christmas lights strung across the branches of our lives, one decision leads to the next which leads to the next and the next, ad infinitum. On my Walk to work this morning I was contemplating how I got here. Not in a metaphysical sense, but in the very literal sense of how I ended up here: at a health insurance company as a corporate clone, I mean employee, or FTE as we are commonly called.

The answer: causality; today happened because of a decision made to work here in 1999, and then again in 2001, and finally in the present day. My decisions, and whatever element fate plays into a human life, keep bringing me back here. I can hear Al Pacino in The Godfather III lamenting the fact that he cannot extricate himself from the Mafia he helped create, “I try to get out, but they keep pulling me back in.”

But I’m not in the same boat as Al; not lamenting or trying to get out. I’m at peace with my life’s positioning at the moment. It wasn’t always like this.

Last December I remember sitting down to my computer in a completely frustrated state. The decisions I had made for the past ten years, which lead me all the way to China—the Tibetan plateau even—had been good, wise decisions I could stand behind. I didn’t regret making them. They were altruistic, well-intended, and in many ways selfless acts, but the place I ultimately ended up, because of these choices and through the immutable laws of causality, had deadened me spiritually and emotionally. I didn’t predict that. I had a break-down of sorts and ending up needing to see a counselor. It worked, but it changed the game plan.

Like Martin Luther posting his 95 Thesis on the Wittenberg door, I found myself protesting the trajectory of my life in typed bullet points. I only came up with around fifteen, but it was enough to trigger a chain of events that would eventually lead me out of China and back to the cubicled existence I knew so well. It sounds so anti-climactic when I put it that way, but that’s because it is only part of the story.

The other part of the story is more interesting. Follow this string back to its source: this morning I was really tired because I didn’t get to sleep last night until after 1:00 a.m. I got to sleep so late because of a latte I had drunk in the evening—after 7 p.m. (which is not normal for me.) I had a latte because I was working on writing a story in a coffee shop. I was in a coffee shop because my wife was having a book party at our home. My wife was selling books in our home to supplement our income so I could go back to school to learn how to write better stories. The story I was working on in the coffee shop was a manuscript I need to get into grad school. My writing group recommended that I revise this story to make it more compelling. I was a part of this writing group because I stayed home from China to become a writer. I was able to stay home to become a writer because I’d secured an office job at a place I’d worked twice before. Coincidentally, the story I as working on was about experiences I’d had back in China battling rats. The string keeps going…

Once you start, there are all kinds of rabbit trails of cause and effect that spring up and inspire curiosity. You get the idea I’m sure. If you are a fan of shows like Lost or Flash Forward like I am, you know that those programs are obsessed with this fate vs. free will question. Can choice change events that are “meant” to happen? Donald Miller’s new book also challenges us with living out a good story and changing our narrative arc when it becomes uninspiring.

I think this is crucial. Last year I read another book called What Should I Do With My Life? by a guy name Po Bronson. This book rocked me with its message about the importance of doing the things in life you are really passionate about–at any cost. Life is too short to waste it on things you hate or are bored to tears by. The decisions each of us make will lead us down a certain path. It’s good to consider this when making these decisions and keeping the big and little picture out before you like a map. The map is tentative, but it is a map nonetheless. Like Aristotle says, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Better to live it fully and analytically, and make tough decisions at times.

I’d say it’s worth losing some sleep over.