_{[editor’s note: re-dated this blog for chronological consistency, but it was first published on 2/22/23]}

As previously discussed, I made a bit of mistake when I tried to watch Nicolas Cage’s first film, The Best of Times (1981). After I goofed up, I decided to skip Nicolas Cage’s first credited appearance because I feared I wouldn’t be able to find the title easily. So I moved right on to Fast Times At Ridgemont High and then to Cage’s first few films.

But then, in a moment of curiosity last night, I went back and did quicksearch#5 just to see if The Best of Times (1981) was available anywhere online for rental or streaming. And I found it on YouTube. Some kind soul (who goes by the gentle handle TVTERRORLAND) made my job easier by uploading a very low-fidelity recording of the original TV movie (sitcom) probably from a VHS tape (I’m assuming) and it was right there ready for viewing.

So, in honor of the guidelines, here’s my review of the 48-minute made-for-TV relic.

First off, this is not really a film or a movie. It’s a one-off TV show in the vein of Laugh In or Hee Haw or (closer to my generation) You Can’t Do That On Television, i.e. it’s a bunch of loosely related, but extremely corny ensemble skits, musical numbers, and glorified dad jokes about what it’s really like to be teenager in 1981.

The show featured Crispin Glover, Nicolas Coppola, and Jill Schoelen among a few other lesser-knowns. The Best of Times was “brought to you by Charmin”, contains a few “commercial breaks” and a typical sitcom jingle that echoes the title of the show, “These are the best of tiii-aye-imes. These are the best of times!”

The show breaks the fourth wall often, as the star Crispin Glover talks directly to the viewer from his bedroom, about the trials and tribulations of being a teenager at the start of the 80s. The show covers the typical PG-rated gamut of topics like dating, cleaning one’s room, balancing chores with weekend fun, playing arcade games, and obsessing over the latest Talking Heads album. It’s a pretty stark contrast to the R-rated teenage fare that depicts the same demographic in Fast Times but, as we know, TV was very different back then.

Here’s a few observations specific to Nicolas Cage in The Best of Times:

He may not be Cage yet, but he’s already Power Man. I assume his movie-famous last name didn’t really become a problem until Fast Times because he is going by Coppola here in the credits. The producers also must have liked his given first name, since he goes by Nic. He’s also got that Nic Cage panache about him already as he was cast as the “cool guy” who is an adept body builder, Casanova, and surfer dude.

First Never Nude. If you’re a fan of Arrested Development (like I am) you’ll recognize Tobias Funke’s affliction here, the cutoff jeans and no shirt. While this was his main beach-wearing attire, he also was seen in the film wearing denim overalls and no shirt.

Unlock the Cage. Nic does a lot of speaking in this show and puts his spasmodic acting range on display. In the first scene, he’s shadowing boxing on the beach while talking to his friend, David, “You remember Rocky? What a movie? The best scene was when Stallone kept hitting that side of beef. He. (swings) kept (uppercuts) hitting (jab) that (right hook) side (jab) of (haymaker) beef. Smashing it with his fist (swing, swing, swing)! That was all raw! (swing) Hit! (swing) Smash! (swing) Makes it all bloody!”

He also gives this bizarre soliloquy (showcasing his dramatic acting skills) near the end of the show. The speech is about his fears of being drafted to go fight a war in El Salvador. Short story: his dad fought in Korean war and is proud of his son being registered for the draft, but whenever asked about the actual combat his father faced there, Nic says he “grew silent.” Nick’s main concern about going into a war is that 1) the location won’t be that appearling, and 2) it will mess with his college plans. But he also admits to using “the draft” as a means to gain the sympathy of females that’s he’s interest in (which he does in the last scene at the high school dance).

All this to say, this debut performance should have been enough to land a speaking-heavy role in Fast Times, but it did not. That’s on the casting department. Nicolas Cage would have been a much, much better Brad than Judge Reinhold was.

Strange pick-up line. This is in reference to a non-Cage moment, but I thought Kevin (who was using a pay phone throughout the show to try to talk girls into going out on a date with him) was pretty hilarious when he said, “Some people think I look a little bit like John Denver.” Smooth, Kevin, very smooth.

First for Nicolas Coppola as a character in this show:

• Lifting weights on the beach.
• Pointing to his own flexed biceps.
• Mocking and imitating a nerd.
• Washing a car.
• Driving around in a go kart (and getting pulled over by a cop)
• Dancing in a circle like he’s on Solid Gold.

Best Nicolas Coppola lines from this show:

“In this world, if you look too happy, people think you’re stupid.”

“Heeyaaaaw, that’s what turns women on.” Pointing to his bicep.

Nic: “I can’t make up my mind between Stanford and Harvard.”
David: “There’s no surfing at Harvard.”
Nic: “Well, that decides that.”

Not a lot more can be said about this 48 minute artifact other than it was fun to see Crispin Glover in a very non-Crispin Glover kind of role, as a Californian any-teen. His closing advice to the audience (and to us I suppose) was this:

“Don’t be like most adults and dismiss us with one of those ‘kids these days’. Next time you see one of us, just say to yourself, ‘hey, that used to be me.’ “

OK, then. I guess that’s what I’ll do. Nicolas Coppola used to be me. And I guess I used to be him. But I was never a never-nude, and never like this in a 7-11. At least not that I can remember. Twas the best of times indeed…