Like totally tubular and bodacious, it’s Nicolas Cage at last!

Continuing on a sub-theme of our last post, the mallification of America, I present you with the stereotyped female embodiment of this concept, i.e. the west coast “valley girl”. Here’s a definition:

A valley girl is a socioeconomic, linguistic, and youth subcultural stereotype and stock character originating during the 1980s: any materialistic upper-middle-class young woman, associated with unique vocal and California dialect features, from the Los Angeles commuter communities of the San Fernando Valley.^[1] The term in later years became more broadly applied to any female in the United States who embodied ditziness, airheadedness, or greater interest in conspicuous consumption than intellectual or personal accomplishment.^[2]

Wikipedia

As a child of the 80s, I was no stranger to the valley girl phenomenon. Even though I grew up in Kentucky, about as far removed from California’s sunny shores as possible, I remember the slogans (“gag me with a spoon”, “grody to the max”, “barf me out”) was well-versed in the hyperbolic language, and was, no doubt, influenced by the stereotypes that filtered through sitcoms, movies, and cartoons of the day that every girl in California spoke and lived the Valley Girl life (just like every guy in California was a surfer dude like Spicolli in Fast Times).

I couldn’t tell you what “valley” they were actually from, or why we 4th graders found them so funny, but I remember the fad-like joke that was the “valley girl” and the fifteen minutes of fame they enjoyed in our collective consciousness.

So watching Valley Girl (1983) as an adult (and 40 years after it’s release!) was a nostalgic re-education of sorts. The movie, starring Nicolas Cage as Randy and Deborah Foreman as Julie, is a pretty well-worn story, a crossing-the-train-tracks romance between class-crossed young lovers, Julie and Randy.

Julie is the valley girl from the burbs, who’s dating the “hottest guy in her school”, Tommy. She works at her ex-hippie, permissive parent’s health food restaurant and spends most of her days at the mall food court gossiping with her friends, or basking in the California sunshine at the beach while scoping “hunks” and planning parties.

Randy is the punk rocker from the city; he’s Hollywood “blue collar” / deadbeat (?), seemingly orphaned and making his own way in the “real world” that (to him anyway) seems gritty, dangerous, and unscripted. He loathes the superficial and prefers the spontaneity of music, drinking, independence, and dive bars.

You see where this is going, right? Please don’t make me spell it out. Ok, I will in brief…

Girl sees boy, boy sees girl, interest is peaked. Boy pursues girl, boy gets beat up by jock, girl feels sympathy. Boy hides in bathroom (outside the garden wall, Romeo), boy woos girl, boy and girl fall in love. Differences come up, boy and girl break up, boy gets drunk. Girl second guesses, boy does some grand gesture, Boy and girl fall in love again.

This is the entire plot, and we’ve seen it all before. But this is also Nicolas Cage’s first starring role and it’s got some vintage Cage moments in it. In no particular order, here are my World According to Nicolas Cage observations:

• The teeth. Nicolas Cage’s teeth look crazy in this movie. Did he get work done later in his career or did he just grow into his central incisors? That gap in his teeth definitely lessens over time, if he didn’t have some work done. It could be the poor quality of standard definition, but his teeth also just seemed yellow, dirty to me, like he hadn’t been brushing regularly. Is that getting into character, taking on that ne’er care “punk rock” attitude? I don’t know. But it’s weird.

• The bathroom scene. One of my good friends likes to pretend he’s seen movies he hasn’t as a conversation starter. To hide the fact that he hasn’t watched a film, he’ll knowingly asks, “What about that bathroom scene?” which I find hilarious, because although it may seem random, it often delivers results. In Valley Girl, there really was a bathroom scene where Nicolas Cage sneaks back into the valley-girl party he’s been kicked out of, by climbing through a bathroom window and hiding in a shower. As people filter in and out of the bathroom, he awkwardly waits in silence for Julie to show up. Spoiler alert: she does. And rather than be freaked out by it (stalker much?) she is charmed into agreeing to meet Randy outside, and go out on the town with him. The love affair begins in truth from that point on.

• The slang. You knew with the title of the movie this one was going to be peppered throughout with Valley Girlese. A few of the many, many (too many) uses of it: “Totally”, “Gag me”, “Bitchin’”, “Grody”, “Such a total pukoid / dork / hunk”, “I’m sure”, “Total bummer”.
• The clothes. So 80s it looks modern. Julie is wearing a Woody Woodpecker doll/pin on her shirt; some puffy Prince like lace blouses; turned up collar polo shirts; fluorescent pinks, oranges, and blues; sunglasses hanging from necklaces; suspenders over multi-layers shirts / vests; Randy’s black leather pointy rocker boots.
• The music. There’s some virtually unknowns in this, as well as some well known new wave / early 80s rock bands. Just a few I noticed: Who Can it Be Now (Men at Work), Electric Avenue (Eddy Grant), Love My Way (The Psychedelic Furs), Melt with You (Modern English), A Million Miles Away (The Plimsouls). Then there was this song: Johnny, Are You Queer? (sung by Josie Cotton). It was one of those anachronistically awkward songs; the lyrics from the female singer are about questioning the sexuality of a guy she is interested in. At the time I’m sure it was meant to poke fun at her crush’s lack of interest, but these days, hmmmm, I don’t know how it would be viewed. Maybe as an anthem or ironically?
• The director. Martha Coolidge directed this movie, and considering it came out in 1983, she was probably one of the first female directors in a time when men dominated the industry. I wasn’t familiar with her as a director before watching this movie, but I did enjoy Val Kilmer’s Real Genius, which she would later direct.
• The way Randy disguised himself to watch Julie after she dumps him. This kind of reminded me of something from Rushmore or a Wes Anderson movie. Randy dresses up as movie ticket taker with 3-D glasses and a fry cook at a local drive-through to show you the lengths he will go to to get in close contact with Julie.
• The creepy clown Julie sleeps with at night. Don’t need to say more about this.

• The ending. And it wouldn’t be an 80s teen movie without the ultimate Prom finale. Randy crashes this one in the Valley, beats up Tommy (Julie’s ex) in front of everyone on-stage, and then steals back his girl, before escaping in a stolen rented limo. The star-crossed lovers end up together, laughing their way to the Valley Sheraton as the freeway fades to black.

A few of the “firsts” for any Nic Cage character show up in this film (duh, it’s his first film).

• His starring role.
• Making that trademark forlorn, sad face.
• Stealing a kiss.
• Getting punched.
• Kicking a guy in the nuts.
• Getting visibly pissed off (at his friends, his girlfriend, strangers, everybody)
• Yelling, “fuck you!” in a movie. And he does it a lot in this one.
• Yell-screaming, “Heh-HA!” really loud and maniacally for no reason.
• Getting the girl. (Saying “I love you.”)
• Losing the girl. (Getting her back.)
• Getting wasted (this acting method will help win him an Oscar one day.)
• Wearing a giant belt buckle.
• Crazy hair (likely hairsprayed with ozone destroying aerosols.)
• Hiding out in a bathroom.

Best Nicolas Cage line(s):

“Nobody is going to TELL ME who I can SCORE with!”

“You can all fuck off. Fuck off. For SURE! Like TOTALLY!”

While I’m not sure I could watch Valley Girl a second time beginning to end, it was a good first movie for an 18-year-old Nicolas Cage to start his illustrious career. I learned quite a few things about the World According to Nicolas Cage, was reminded of like a totally gnarley, bitchin’ time period in the early 80s, and I got to actually see the Man himself finally taking some action.

Looking forward to watching Rumble Fish next. Hope you are too, like, fer sure.