I don’t think I ever saw Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston in 1992’s The Bodyguard, although I could be having selective memory about it. The year it was released, I was 18 years old and in the height of my grunge / alternative period, so even if I did watch this romantic drama about a Secret Service man guarding a famous R&B singer, it’s unlikely I would admit it, event to myself. So I may have buried that one deep in the subconscious.

As a child though, I vividly remember watching My Bodyguard (1980) which is a film about a wimpy (maybe rich) kid who comes to a new school and must enlist the services of the school’s “tough” (maybe poor) kid to protect him from a particularly Matt Dillon-sorta bully.

Although it’s been about 40 years since I saw that one, I still remember the way it felt; the way the main character was traumatized by his constant harassment at the hands of a bully, and the desperate negotiations he has to pull off to conscript a hesitant but capable bodyguard (he’s also paying for companionship more than anything I think. Weirdly like prostitution, but not.)

While the plot has long gone vague in my mind, some of the imagery is quite visceral still: a very bloody nose, a pair of white and red highrise gym shorts, a science lab with bunsen burners, a motorcycle, and a sandwich swap with questionable contents (can’t even remember what they were but I remember this was a gross thing discussed.) Maybe.

Thematically, the only other guarding-related film that I can remember watching over the years was Guardians of the Galaxy. GotG was unique for me because it was not a Marvel comic that I had followed (and I’ve followed many). I didn’t have the same vested interest in its cinematic portrayal as say the X-men or Spiderman series where I was well-versed in the mythology; so my expectations were quite muted and I knew little about the movie before I sat down to watch it in the theater.

Those are really the best kinds of movie experiences I think. Where you’ve seen no trailers, have read no reviews, have heard nothing from anyone about the work, and when you come to the screening clean, unburdened by bias and expectation, with an open mind and an agnostic viewpoint.

This works well when the film you’re seeing is exceptionally clever, unexpected, or artful.

Bam! You get that eureka moment that almost feels like you had some unique part in “discovering” the thing itself (the work that you actively were not searching for in the first place.) You also tend to forgive your own hubris in these situations.

While Guardians is unquestionably a blockbustery popcorn-munching franchise-ready thing, for me it stood out because of its witty humor, its knowing playfulness, its diverse cast of human-alien numbskulls, and its stellar throwback soundtrack. The total was somehow greater than the sum of its various parts.

I am groot.

Instant movie magic.

But what do all three of these ‘guarding/guardian’ films have in common?

Maybe not much, other than to show the spectrum of memory that I’m working from in relation to all things guarding. On the one end, we have a movie I barely remember (and arguably never saw–I’ll never tell): The Bodyguard. On the other we have a movie I still remember after forty years, My Bodyguard. And then somewhere on a completely separate parallel we have yet another movie that left me surprised and pleased in its originality: The Guardians of the Galaxy.

And somewhere smack dab in the middle of all these we have Guarding Tess (1994).

Guarding Tess is a movie that I do remember seeing when it came out in the early 90s, but my memories of it were pretty minimal. WATC(H)ing it again now I can see why it’s somewhat forgettable, but I also was surprised by its unexpected ending this time around. Without further pre-amble, let’s dive in.

Cage is really a good guy

In an interview mentioned in the biopic book Age of Cage, Nicolas Cage refers to Guarding Tess as one part of his “Sunshine Trilogy” three cheery movies from the early 90s that also includes Honeymoon in Vegas and It Could Happen to You, in which he takes on the role of the good guy (played straight up and unapologetically.) If you haven’t gathered by now, playing the nice guy protagonist is a bit of a divergence from his normal roles as avant garde maniac, slightly unhinged outsider, and Elvis-inspired weirdo / mental case, but Cage builds his whole career on divergence from the norm, challenging himself as an actor, and taking on the unexpected character and script, sometimes on a whim and sometime with high intentionality.

So in playing an especially buttoned up and by-the-book Secret Service man, Doug Chesnic, we get to see Nicolas Cage thinking and working outside of his usual box which provides a different yet normalish flavor and foreshadows a variety of roles he’ll take on in the future.

The plot

As the title of the film states, Chesnic is the Special Secret Agent in Charge (SAIC) assigned to guard and protect a former first lady of the United States, Tess Carlisle, a high maintenance and cantankerous retiree played skillfully by Shirley MacLaine. As the movie begins, Chesnic’s tour of duty at Tess’s compound in Sommersville, OH has come to an end, and he is quietly pleased to return to Washington for re-assignment, only to discover that the well-connected former First Lady has requested his return with the full support and persuasive power of the sitting President behind her.

Dragging his feet, but ultimately committed to his career and seeing no clear alternative, Chesnic returns to Ohio despite his often rocky relationship with Mrs. Carlisle and her onsite staff. The plot centers around the inevitable conflicts that arise between Chesnic and Tess as the SAIC tries to apply his straight-laced and procedural regulations to a free-spirited and well-loved matron who is headstrong, recently widowed, diagnosed with a brain tumor, and unwilling to compromise her freedom of movement and choice. From the very beginning of the movie we understand how the power dynamic is playing out as Chesnic and his fellow agents are required to leave their weapons outside Tess’s bedroom prior to entering and accompany her on winter golf outings.

In the power struggle that ensues, Chesnic digs in his heels refusing to bend any of the rules for Tess (e.g., in the car he prohibits her from sitting in a strategically risky position) and pays the consequences often when she acts out in her childlike rebellion (e.g. she convinces her driver to ditch the secret service retinue on the roadside so she can go on an unaccompanied joyride.)

These two central characters play this game, tit for tat in a comedic sort of two-step dance; Chesnic refuses to comply and tries to quit the assignment, the President calls Chesnic on behalf of Tess and chews him out at a diner; Chesnic convinces Tess to fire the secret service agents so she can do whatever she wants, the President demands that Chesnic get back in the woman’s good graces forcing Chesnic to camp outside her home until she agrees to speak with him. In this tamed-down version of War of the Roses which pits unlikely friends (instead of lovers) against each other as a veritable “odd couple” the two eventually find solace in softer moments where they realize the care, compassion, and loyalty that is present in each. Just as the two grow into some tenderness and understanding of each other, the movie takes a wild spin into dangerous and unexpected territory.

[SPOILER ALERT!]

While the movie seemed like it might move in a direction that required Chesnic to actually guard Tess from more than just herself, the ending played out with a little extra oomph than what I (and many reviewers) expected. If the first three-quarters of the film were a bit sleepy and predictable, the last quarter was a clashing symbol that included an ending that seemed more reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs or a more thrilling episode of The X-Files than a comedy.

Basically, Chesnic loses Tess to a kidnapping attempt at a lakeside picnic area. Having fallen asleep after taking tea near a foggy lake, Tess is carried to her limousine by Chesnic. Going back to the shore to pick up her belongings, Chesnic hears the car speeding away from him with Tess inside. Thinking this is just another Tess-rebellion joyride, Chesnic calls for backup and local police. But after 22 hours and no sing of Tess, Chesnic is forced to call in the “big dogs” Secret Servicemen in D.C. and admit that the former First Lady has been abducted.

When the car and its unconscious chauffeur eventually turn up again at a remote location and without Tess inside, Chesnic and another agent are called in for questioning at a local hospital. Suspicious of the driver’s tale of events (the driver claiming he was knocked unconscious) Chesnic goes full Nicolas Cage-Match and forces the man to confess what he knows by threatening to shoot off each of his toes. When the man calls the bluff, Chesnic proceeds to shoot off his toe until the man confesses he was a part of the plot to kidnap Tess. Pointing the Secret Service Men to an abandoned barn, the chauffeur sets Chesnic on a chase to apprehend the kidnappers and (hopefully) save Mrs. Carlisle before it’s too late.

With full intensity of a Mulder and Scully SWAT team scene, the authorities find the kidnappers and force them at gunpoint to reveal where they have hidden Tess. Inside the abandoned barn the intensity builds as the agents discover she has been buried (still alive though) in a wooden room 15 feet below the ground. With his disgraced Secret Service entourage in tow, Chesnic sheds tears and brings in the shovels, making it his personal responsibility to uncover their missing ward. The team digs down until they rescure her, but Tess is greatly weakened from her kidnapping. Whisking her onto an awaiting military helicopter, Chesnic and his men are left without seats to accompany her and decide they must follow in a car, until the imperious woman wakes and requests that her men join her on the copter rather than the big dog Secret Service men from D.C.

In a final battle of wills, at the hospital, a fully recovered Tess is asked to sit in a wheelchair (as its hospital policy) to be wheeled out to her car, but headstrong as ever, she refuses much to the chagrin of the hospital intern. To clear the impasse, Chesnic firmly tells Tess to get in the chair, and having learned her lesson it seems, Tess complies.

[SPOILER COMPLETE!]

What I learned from Guarding Tess

• Thinking about these movies about guarding people (or galaxies) I think the main thing that I learned is that it’s never easy. Whether your are protecting against intergalactic forces, a middle school bully, or a willful old lady, it takes a lot of patience, negotiation skills, and at times brute force to really be good at it.
• A lot of the daily guarding duties are pretty mundane and mind-numbingly boring. Whether its delivering meals, watching closed-camera security TVs, or chaperoning someone to the local grocery store, guarding is not glamorous qoek. Crowd-control and eagle-eyed scrutiny is not nearly as sexy a job as its made out to be. It’s also one of those thankless jobs that only gets recognized in failure (as we saw with Chesnic’s treatment after he “lost Tess”.)
• There’s nothing secret about the Secret Service anymore. At this point, if 6 men are following another person around while wearing trenchcoats, clearly packing heat on their underarms, and sporting ear-piece communication devices, there’s nothing very hidden or secret about who they are or what they are up to.
• Surveillance is a lot easier to manage these days than it was in the early 1990s. This film contained the most advanced technology of the day in the form of phone booths, fax machines, and remote controlled VCRs. Had Tess gone missing 20 years later, she would have been easily discovered in a fraction of the time with GPS, highway cameras, satellite imagery, drones, or (even simpler) the Find Friends app on any iPhone.

What I liked about Guarding Tess

While I found the movie kind of slow and the comedy kind of dry / predictable, I enjoyed the repartee between Cage and MacLaine. The different personalities clashing up against each other made what could have been a really slow watch somewhat enjoyable. Other than their friction and relational thumb-wrestling, I also enjoyed these little moments and Easter Eggs.

• Seeing Mr. Dursley from Harry Potter (Richard Griffiths) playing Frederick, who I think was one of Tess’ full time employees. He even did a little dancing in the movie, and was coming out of the restroom at the gas station during Tess’s escape scene.

• Seeing Tackleberry from Police Academy (David Graf) playing one of Chesnic’s fellow Secret Service Men.

• The grocery outing was probably the funniest scene in the movie for me. When Tess and Chesnic and the entourage show up for shopping, the grocery store manager approaches Chesnic and asks, “Does she want to be known today? Does she want to be known?” When he is told no, he advises all the cashiers quickly, “Don’t know her! Dont know her!” This is followed by a walkie-talkie back and forth, in which the Secret Service do price check-comparison for Tess with the help of Chesnic and the store manager.

• When Chesnic comes unhinged a bit near the end of the movie (very Cage-like!) and forces the chauffeur to reveal the location of Tess by threatening (and following through) to shoot his toes off! “I’m going to count to five, and then I’m going to shoot off one of your toes!” Bad-ass and kind of funny.
• At the opera Tess falls asleep in the balcony. Chesnic, trying to wake her by subtly shifting her chair, startles the first lady, causing her to scream loudly and lose her wig drawing a lot of attention for the spectators. Probably the only near-LOL movie moment for me.
• While staking out Tess’ home (once he has been kicked to the curb) Chesnic is inside his car pouring a big cup of coffee. Tess takes him unaware by walking up to the car and tapping hard on the glass. Chesnic flinches and spills his coffee all over himself. “You snuck up on me!” he accuses, but the former FLOTUS denies it.

Best lines from Nicolas Cage as Agent Chesnic

“I don’t envy my replacement I can tell you that…I guess you can say she’s several different personalities in one, like many people are.” Chesnic describing Tess when he thinks he has been relieved of his assignment the first time.

“She’s gotten me broken in. She’ll never let me go.”

“What does she want? Chocolate? Some kind of GODDAMN fruit drink or something. What do we look like: waiters? Do we look like a bunch of waiters or something? WE WANNA BE DOWN HERE!” Chesnic, angry that Tess keeps ringing for the Secret Service team to come do her bidding, while they are watching an assassination attempt (with envy) on TV news.

“I choose Mr. Ed, in a second!” Chesnic responding to Tess’ questions of whether he’d choose to watch an episode of Mr. Ed or go to the opera.

“Tess, get in the goddamn chair.” Chesnic, finally issuing a command to Tess that she gladly accepts.

Firsts for a Nic Cage character as Agent Chesnic

• Riding in a limo with a pump action shotgun between his leg
• First time acting as a bodyguard / secret servicemen
• Reading and talking while on the toilet (to the POTUS)
• Firing a gun at the shooting range
• Carrying an old woman to a car
• Shooting a guy in the toe
• Doing a two-fingered whistle

Recurrences

• Going to the Opera (see Moonstruck)
• Going into a grocery store with armed men (see Raising Arizona)
• Pissing off a much older woman (see Wild at Heart)

Since starting this post I thought of even more movies about ‘guarding’ that I’ve seen over the years like The Rise of the Guardians, the Legend of the Guardians, The Guardian, (not mention all the Watchmen related films), and that just goes to show you how much we enjoy this concept of ‘looking after’ ‘protecting’ and ‘guarding’ our fellow man. While I don’t suppose that Guarding Tess will sit in my top-ten Cage movies by the end of this WATC(H), I was glad to revisit it and start to see Cage taking on more of the “good guy” role. Cage’s ‘Sunshine Trilogy’ was a short-lived bit of experimentation that ran through his system for a while in the early 90s, but I think it was an important one that probably helped him refine it further as he would step into the role of action hero a bit later on.

When Chesnic finally finds Tess in a wooden tomb BUT STILL ALIVE at the bottom of the hole that his sub-par guarding had put her into, there is apparent relief and steadfast determination written all over his tear-stained face.

Now fully in charge of the situation, Chesnic turns to his fellow agents and yells, “Somebody get a power saw. I want soap, water, blankets. Nobody see her like this!”

So even in that dire moment when protecting her physical safety was paramount, Agent Chesnic cares enough to have deeper concerns: he’s guarding her dignity as well. And that’s what Guarding Tess is all about, giving the world a chance to recognize Doug Chesnic as the real American hero, patriot, guardian, and all around decent dude that he is. Long live the Cage.