[Note: Taking a short break from Nicolas Cage movie reviews for a good cause.]

I think the “powers of commerce and social media” are just making up holidays at this point, but because this current day is one I happen to believe in, I’ll play along. 

Today is World Mental Health Day. It was established way back in 1992, and “it has been observed every year with the aim of raising awareness in the global community about critical mental health agendas through collaboration with various partners to take action and create lasting change¹”

Cool. 

Timely.

As a person who struggled for decades with undiagnosed mental health issues (e.g. clinical depression), and then for decades post-diagnosis through a variety of spiritual, pharmacological and therapy-based solutions, I feel like I have some first-hand experience with this topic and its treatments.

I wrote about depression a little bit here. If Ted Lasso struggles with his mental health, any of us can and most of us do. 😉 

But a lot has happened in the last couple years since I wrote that post and shared openly about my struggles. I’ve gone down some dark, dark roads since then, I’ve worked really hard to fight my way up to the surface of my own life, I’ve seen parts of myself I didn’t expect or really want to see; and I found some solutions where I least expected to. It’s only in the last couple weeks that I’ve come up to see the light of day. I feel like I can breathe again, which is so amazing. This is not about that–maybe a little.

I realize mental health is a life long journey, so I don’t want to paint a picture that I am “out of the woods” as the wilderness just changes like so much topography as we traverse through it. It’s that duality of thought that (I think) causes us so many problems, but I digress.

But I have gained some perspective recently on my depression and put together a few ideas / observations / insights that may (or may not) help others who are depressed or who are struggling or know people who are. I don’t claim to know anyone’s specific struggle (except my own), so please take all of this with a grain of salt. 

I’m also not a doctor, therapist, pharmacist, or spiritual guru, so please don’t look here for life recommendations. But if you have an open mind, read on. 

This is my: 

Yeah, But Duh…Top 5 List of Mostly Obvious Things You Should Know About Depression (unranked order)

1) No one size fits all. Human psychology is weird. Everyone’s history and personality and chemical make-up is completely different. We really are snowflakes (sorry conservatives). Depression will look and manifest differently in each person.

As much as we want to feel similar and that there is a shared anatomy, chemistry, and set of commonalities, there’s too much that sets us apart and ensures that it’s going to feel and show up differently for everyone. Depression will look different in different people and it will affect those of us with it differently, too.

I’ve taken tests at times that tell me I should call 9-1-1 immediately, even though I’ve taken the time to shave, get a cup of coffee and start my work day; and I’d be willing to bet some people close to you don’t tell you what’s up with them and depression because 1) they don’t fully understand it, 2) they’ve lived with it a really long time and have grown used to it, and 3) they don’t see how it can or would help them to talk about it. And all of these reasons are legitimate and there’s probably scores more. If you have anxiety or bulimia or agoraphobia, that looks and feels different from depression.

How you cope with that will obviously be different, too. Catching a theme here? It’s all different as are the people who it inhabits, and therefore it’s difficult to make blanket statements or expect blanket “solutions” to an unsolvable human condition. We are an enigma. And that’s OK!

2) Therapy is a human construct and subject to human frailty.

Sometimes our society treats therapy like magic.

Find a good counselor, trust the process, talk about your problems, and your depression (or insert relevant mental health crises) will evaporate. This is total bullshit.

I emphatically am in favor of therapy and think it can be amazing in what it reveals and how it helps remove barriers and process various levels of trauma and/or how it creates clarity for things that we can’t discover about ourselves on our own. When that “magic” does happen, it’s great and it’s life changing. But it can also be like “catching lightning in a bottle”. It can take a lot of work and a lot of therapists and a lot of dead ends which can feel disheartening. I’ve had good therapists and bad ones. I’ve found therapy has helped me process things. But it’s also a human endeavor, and as smart, insightful, and resourceful as we humans are, we’re fallible. We haven’t gotten it all figured out yet. When it comes to depression, some forms are entirely resistant to even the best therapy. Just sayin’. It’s really not magic (although I’m thankful it exists and is improving as our species does.)

3) Prayer is not the answer.

I know a lot of folks I know may take umbrage with this statement.

But let me replace the word prayer with the following: Meditation. Exercise. Diet. Gratitude. God. Service. Community. Mindfulness.

Have I offended everyone now? Well, if not, I’ll let you put your own “ultimate answer”: Fantasy Football (?) into that sentence above so you feel included in the offense. LOL.

My point is this. I was told early on in life that prayer is what I needed to do to address my depression. That praying to God would help me cope with it. Sounds good right? That it could be cured. That if I just had the right frame of mind or petition or attitude that it would somehow make a difference and shift me into a better place (a better self). The equivalent I hear a lot these days relates to meditation practices, mindfulness, exercise, and gratitude.

But depression at its worst is entirely immune to all of these things. You can do any or all of them (trust me I have, sometimes for decades) with a religious intensity, fervor, and dedication, and still feel like a boiling pot of shit at times. Sorry for the harsh language–but there it is. That’s not your fault. That’s not prayer’s fault. There is no fault. If you don’t understand this, that’s ok, too. Remember #1 above, snowflake. Different lives, different shoes.

Many or all of these practices can (and likely will help) at various stages of the journey, but no one should feel any guilt at all if they have tried them again and again and again and again, only to find the promise of relief fall flatter than a pancake at the heaping plate of depression.

4) The meds don’t work forever, and not for everyone.

Most of America seems to be on antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications this day and age. We prescribe them to children. For me they were miraculous when I first started taking them (and for many years after). I know for many people they help them live a normal, healthy life. You read or know your own horror stories about people who should be taking certain meds that don’t, and what can happen.

But just like therapists, our pharmacological miracles are a human endeavor (and while improving all the time, still constrained to our mortal status). There are side effects and waning efficacy, there are long-term consequences and unforeseen problems for the very thing that is meant to help us.

For me these meds stopped working after a number of years and had side effects that made me feel terrible. I tried different formats and dosages. I explored alternate drug and cognitive therapies, but kept being lead back to these pharmacy drug solutions that made me feel less human BUT NOT less depressed. If you’re in that situation, just know. It’s OK. You (gulp) are not alone. I don’t use that as a platitude, but only as a show of solidarity. 

5) You, depressed person, know your struggle and your body/mind best. Keep listening to YOU deep down there somewhere, and please keep fighting.

If there’s one piece of advice I’d like to give about depression, mental illness, and health it’s this. YOU, the nice friendly lovable YOU beneath all that weight and menace of depression / illness, you’ll have to be the one to take whatever ounce of courage is there and the ownership that comes with it to keep fighting. To the best of your ability, whatever that is at any given time, keep trying to uncover the way or ways to best cope and find health and safety for yourself. Keep trying new things. I know that’s a lot to ask. There’s no guilt here, but…

Keep looking. Keep trying. Keep getting out of bed every day. No matter how shitty you feel. Or how pointless it may seem. I know that’s maybe going against some of the things I’ve said above.

It’s your motivation that’s likely the most paralyzed thing right now. But just take one breath at a time and think, what haven’t I tried? What might work? What could work? What might work NOW that didn’t before? What is outside of the box completely? Because I think continuing to try (when everything feels hopeless) may lead to a discovery. Ask yourself, how do I disrupt myself, even a little bit? For me, I just kept trying and seeking. Not in a straight line, but in a “I quit” and then a “well, what about?” way. It took a long time. For me, this book was helpful. Or you can watch the Netflix series. I know this solution is not for everyone. But it has opened some doors that I’d not thought of before. I made some discoveries and have achieved a level of mental health I never thought possible even a month or two ago.

Society, institutions, doctors, churches, family, even friends, they will all try to tell you how to cope and what to do with your depression (anxiety, anger, trauma, etc). They are trying to help you and many times it will be well-meaning, but they don’t know your core. Only you do! You are a snow flake. Entirely unique.

ONE CAVEAT: sometimes, in extreme cases, maybe yours (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, suicidal depression) you won’t be able to do this on your own, and will need others to guide you to health. If this is you, don’t shut other people out of the decision making process. We all need people and we can’t do it alone. I definitely had a lot of helping. But ultimately it’s YOU WILL be the one who can best advocate for yourself to make it sustainable, and ensure that you are moving in the “right” (or at least sorta better) direction. 

Maybe you do need to travel to Jamaica and try Ayahuasca? Maybe that career change, however economically crimping, will free your soul or give you a new perspective? Maybe it’s outpatient therapy? Maybe you need to just stop praying and start living? Maybe you need to stop living so much and start praying or meditating more? I don’t know the answer for you. No one does, but you.

But it’s the question I think you (and especially me) need to be asking ourselves–especially when it feels desperate. We can only take a pounding for so long…

In conclusion

Perhaps this is all terrible advice or just “no duh” enough to not be entirely helpful. I don’t know? But maybe it’s exactly what somebody needs to hear today. I needed to write it, so thanks for reading.

Whoever you are and especially if you have mental health challenges: I hope you know you are Loved. We are Loved. The universe is bigger and better than what we’ve all been told. And it’s way way way better than that bitch Depression wants you or I to think it is. Fuck Depression and the horse they rode in on. 

Choose your different path today (but don’t feel bad if you…can’t even). 

Maybe tomorrow you will…maybe tomorrow you can muster the tiny bit of strength needed. Yeah, maybe tomorrow. I’m banking on tomorrow.

1.  Read more at: https://www.bqprime.com/trending/world-mental-health-day-2023-date-history-theme-significance-and-more-bqc
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