Unfortunately, we have another Momentum Pictures straight-to-video film to review, and not a good one. 

But before we get into that, a short digression. I did a little bit of data analysis and research to try and ascertain if there’s been a noticeable decline in the quality in Nicolas Cage movies in the last decade or so. My eyes tell me YES there’s been a lot of bad films to wade through from 2010 on, but does the data bear this intuition out?

While IMDB rankings (based on some algorithm of public opinion and critical ratings) are obviously subjective (maybe even a popularity contest) and therefore debatable, they act as a good starting point. One may argue that “objectively” Mandy should be rated a bit higher or lower than 6.5 / 10, but I am not sure that the +/- (degree of deviation) would be exponentially higher one way or the other.

In my opinion, this seems on par with what I thought. One may nitpick with some of the specific IMDB ratings, or have a pet peeve or favorite film that falls outside of a populace assessment, but fundamentally the rankings provide a good baseline or point for calibration. 

So, here’s what we have…very interesting to see it visually.

Of the movies reviewed on the WATC(H) thusfar, you can see that there has been a noticeable decline in ratings since roughly 2010. There have been less and less movies that have scored 7 or higher in IMDB ranking. If you remove a few outlier films (The Croods since it’s a voice acting part and will score high simply because families like animated films) and Snowden (since Nicolas Cage is barely a cameo in that film) you don’t really have a film that scored 7 or higher since Kick Ass. 

If you take this a step further and filter out Grindhouse, a Tarantino production that featured one line from Nicolas Cage, you only have Kick Ass and Lord of War scoring above 7 going all the way back to 2005. 

That’s not to say there haven’t been entertaining movies in the 2000s, some that I totally enjoyed (even if they were poorly received) but we’ve definitely been hovering in the 4’s and 5’s a lot more, and have seen a lot fewer 6’s and 7’s in our rankings. 

I really do get it. Nicolas Cage likes to experiment. He likes to work with good people and keep busy, but that doesn’t mean his films are universally watchable–because they in fact aren’t all very watchable. 

Exhibit A: 211 (2108)

Was it as painful to watch as Sonny, Vengeance: A Love Story, or Inconceivable?  No. Was it as stupid as The Humanity Bureau or as cringy awkward as Time to Kill or Amos and Andrew? Again, no. But 211 was also not entertaining, not sorta funny, not bad-bordering-on-good, and not well thought-out, rendered, or delivered. If anything 211 was more like an episode of a crime drama you might have seen (circa 1996) late at night on WGN or the USA network that you’d watch and think, how did this show continue to stay on the air and not get canceled? Who watches this stuff? It’s kinda dumb. Kinda cheesy. And kinda hard to believe. I watched it once and that was plenty.

In case you were wondering, a “211” is police dispatch lingo for a robbery is in progress. In this case, the robbery that took place was my precious time and attention. However long I hold my breath, I’m not getting that time back, so we’re going to make this one short and to the point. Shoot!

The World According to Nicolas Cage as Officer Mike Chandler

Officer Mike Chandler (Nicolas Cage) is a Chesterfield, Massachusetts policeman who is on the verge of retirement, MA but doesn’t know what to do with himself since he recently lost his wife to cancer. His relationship is strained with his daughter, Lisa MacAvoy (Sophie Skelton) because of his unresolved feelings over his wife, but not with her husband, Steve MacAvoy (Dwayne Cameron) who happens to be his squad car partner on the force.

There are terrorists (ex-special forces mercenaries) who have plans to steal millions from a local bank because the money (they felt owed) got wired there from someone who double-crossed them in Afghanistan. An Interpol agent Agent Rossi (Alexandra Dinu) has been tracking their movements and trying to stop them before they commit another atrocity. Officers MacAvoy and Chandler have to take a high school kid, Kenny Rastell (Michael Rainey Jr), on a “ride along” for the day in what they think is a “scared straight” situation, but in reality is just another form of injustice since Kenny is a BIPOC who has been bullied by the white kids in his high school. Officer MacAvoy has just found out his wife is pregnant and so he wants Mike to contact his daughter and make amends for their rift.

The bank robbers, Tre, Rob, Luke, and Hyde (Weston Cage Coppola, Nic’s real life son!) set their plan in motion which is your typical “storm the bank” and get bags of money out of the safe as fast as they can. But Mike, Steve, and Kenny roll up and ruin the robbers plans and spark a big standoff between the robbers and the police. 

Steve gets shot in the leg and acts like a big pussy. Kenny stays calm under pressure, films Steve’s last words to his unborn child and wife on his phone, and then finds a car to hide in. The robbers detonate a bomb that was planted at a nearby cafe as a distraction, which actually brings more policemen from the precinct and Agent Rossi on their heels. 

The beat cops, SWAT team, and now Interpol agent all show up to try and de-escalate the situation at the bank but just make it more of a bloodbath since the mercs have a lot of high powered weapons and a plan. The extraction team / EMS gets Steve to the ER where Kenny’s mom happens to work and Mike evacuates the scene but loses Kenny in the melee. Mike gets angry and emotional at the SWAT team (WHERE WERE YOU!) goes to the hospital; finds out his daughter is pregnant and makes amends with her; and hopes that Steve will survive (but is not so sure.) Then Mike realizes he lost Kenny back at the gun fight, (oops), and goes back to the scene with the SWAT team and automatic weapon to try to save him.

Hostages get shot. Hyde gets blasted a bunch of times. Lots of people get shot. Some big explosions happen (I think) and Mike saves Kenny from being trapped in an SUV by killing the last of the mercenaries. (Aside: I am not sure if Kenny really needed saving or learns anything on his “ride along” but he does escape unscathed). 

Mike, Steve, and Lisa, Kenny and Kenny’s mom all get together later at Steve’s house and laugh about the day they almost died in a gun battle. Mike commits to taking new pictures now that he has processed his grief. All’s well that ends well. 

Needlessly Complicated For Something So Simplistic

This film was written and directed by a famous snowboarder, and I suspect he may have been high at the time. I would look up his name, but he’s about as forgettable as this movie to me so I’m not going to bother. It could get me into trouble later. 

Maybe snowboarding director made some other stuff that is better; maybe like Cage he ran into some legal or tax troubles that needed to be resolved and this was a fast way to make some cash. I can’t fault anyone for making art or trying to make money. But from a story perspective, too many things happened in the first 10 minutes of this movie that were unnecessary details that did nothing to progress the story:

• A special forces / mercenary plot was revealed in Afghanistan.
• Money was transferred to offshore accounts.
• The people involved were summarily executed (bombs and snipers)
• The man who moved the money revealed that the money was sent to hundreds of banks around the world, one of which was specifically Unity Bank and Loan in Chesterfield, MA.
• An undercover operation was interrupted mid flight
• We are introduced to an Interpol agent
• A woman reveals she’s pregnant to her spouse
• Two kids are bullying another kid in a bathroom (for no reason)
• The woman (who is pregnant) reveals that she is estranged from her dad because her mother died of cancer
• A pawn shop owner is shaken down by an undercover agent
• We are in a coffee shop
• We are in a principal’s office

You get the idea! This movie just packed a whole bunch of random shit in the front end scenes we are left wondering. Who? What? Why?

Why are we in Afghanistan? 

What does this have to do with a bank robbery in the U.S.? 

Why do we need this backstory?

What’s the point of bringing this high school kid into the story? 

And she’s pregnant? 

And his son-in-law / partner is bleeding out in the parking lot? 

What The…Continues

The other strange thing is that there’s a sense that there are some political messages baked in here (e.g. Officer Mike is upset that everyone has a camera now and can track what policeman are doing?) but none of these political messages seem overt (e.g. how should we feel about this kid who has no friends, gets bullied, and must go in this injust ride-along that almost ends his life) and even the one’s you think you might be inductively reasoning out (it’s good to talk through our issues) aren’t really all that intuitive or insightful.

I’m left wondering why Steve (a seemingly tough, if younger, Massachusetts policeman) is so ready to give up the ghost after taking a single bullet to the leg. To the leg? 

There’s also great dialog like this between policemen we are barely introduced to (or care about):

Rando cop #1: “I’m a shitty marksmen, remember?” 

Rando cop #2: “Just don’t shoot me in the ass.” 

There’s also a scene where Kenny MacGuyver’s a makeshift phone charger using a Duracell battery from a baby doll, a key and some other wires. 

I got nothing else on this one. Let’s proceed to the lists.

First for Nicolas Cage as Officer Mike Chandler

• Appearing in a film with his son
• Hosting a ride along (scared straight) situation
• Tying a tourniquet 

Recurrences

• Appearing in a film with a Coppola family member (Arsenal)
• Beat cop (Multiple)
• Struggling with is upcoming retirement (Dying of the Light)
• Shot in a gunfight (Multiple)

Quotables

“WOW. WOW. WOW. That is some news.” 

“I’m happy for you guys.” 

“Everyone’s got a camera. Everyone’s got a lawyer. It’s not a good time.” 

“Mac finally got my…fucking…daughter…pregnant!” 

“We all have to be Officer Bill some days.”

“I’m here…in case of an emergency.”

“What is it? You just like to fight?” 

“No one’s gonna pick on you today.”
“Officer down. Repeat. Officer down.”

“Stay with me. It’s only a scratch.”

“YOU HOLD ON. YOU ARE NOT DYING TODAY.” 

“MY SON IS DEAD. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!?” 

“Let’s take the assholes out.”

“Hey Kenny, where’s that phone you’re always screwing around with. I wanna take some new pics.” 

Conclusion

Skip this move. Watch Deadfall or Face/Off or Snake Eyes instead. Life is short.